I have the canvas, but I don’t have the inclination to paint. I could use the excuse that its been too hot (it has) or that I’ve got into watching daytime tv (I have, specifically cagney and lacey) or I’m mooching about too much on social media, like Instagram and Facebook and here (I am)….
But if I explore a bit deeper, pick the scab off the wound so to speak, its more from fear. Fear of rejection, fear that I’m doing this for nothing, fear that it won’t be good enough. Leaving work seems to have made me shy, to all my friends that know me that may sound strange. But I think it’s my default setting. It’s easier to sit at home than involve myself.
I need to fight the tendency to relax. I’ve always been a bit reticent about getting out and about, there is always that book I haven’t read, or the radio play that’s just starting. Or distractions such as doing the washing up or cooking food. Now I’ve got a new kitchen I’m doing more housework for goodness sake. I’ve swapped my paintbrush for a broom!
So, I’ve got to redouble my efforts to be an artist. Try and work round these moods. Be more positive, follow up leads. Or I will just end up sitting in my armchair and vegetating!