Fuzzy brain

Finished or almost finished? Not sure. I’ve spent the last two days painting this while having my studio open to the public. In the end you lose track of what you are doing. What you are saying. I can waffle forever but it stops making sense after a while.

I like people to ask me questions about art. But then I get nervous. It’s like a fog descends over my head and I can’t articulate or describe what I mean. I hope my paintings are pretty self explanatory but I still try and explain what I am doing. Artists on TV seem to be able to tell people what they are doing, but I can’t do that. I’m a painter not a public speaker…..

So anyway, I finished this painting today. It’s called mermaid.

X

Whats the point?

IMG_20180920_172908_402

Someone speaks to you, says they can do all sorts of things to help you. It just needs to go through some sort of committee .

You wait to hear back, but after a while you hear you have been unsuccessful. It’s like having a job interview for a job you didn’t know was available, you hadn’t prepared for it, had no knowledge of what it entailed but once someone had dangled the carrot you felt suddenly recognised for having some small amount of worth.

So

What is the point?

Have they read this blog and decided its not commercial enough? That it does not come up to scratch? Should I just post photos of my art and keep my thoughts to myself?

What is the point?

Why bother?

What should I do?

What is the point? What is the point…..

Feeling down, but not quite out.

Dawn

20180823_201609

The Sun is rising, its light peeking over the horizon, traffic is flowing past the front door…it’s 6.30 am and people are going to work. Can’t hear any birds singing, they don’t seem to as much this time of year. There is a wind buffeting the trees outside, and heavy rain is expected later.

I’m awake again after going to bed at 2am, I enjoy being up early sometimes, it helps me gather my thoughts, I guess I will probably go back to bed though. I don’t have any heating on so it’s quite cool in my living room, not that its been really cold yet, but you can certainly tell the season is changing to autumn.

One thing I must do is bring in my house plants. We put them outside this summer while we had the kitchen and bathroom done.  Trouble is we have no space now for a 6 ft weeping fig plant. Anyone need a huge weeping fig? Free to a good home (I’m not pay in for shipping!)

The cats are both asleep, I’m surprised they are not chasing each other. Seamus has lost his collar with its bell. Gracie could hear him coming before, so it’s become more equal in the game of sneaking up on each other and pouncing!

Well this is an exciting bit of blogging, my life laid bare…. I wonder why humans do this kind of thing. Hardly life shattering, I think I will go back to bed. Its now 6.44 am.

Sleep

FB_IMG_1524173482026

The Sun sets earlier every day now, by 9pm it is dark, the summer sun falls below the horizon, dropping down and bringing shadows.

My head nods with weariness, barely able to keep my eyes open. I long for sleep, ready to rest my weary limbs beneath cool sheets, but sleep sneaks away sometimes, I’m hazy with it one minute then alert and awake the next jerking back into the world with a jump, taken out of sleep by a noise or a pain.

So yes, I do need sleep, but it tends to grab hold of me in the daytime. When I’m not expecting it I fall asleep. Listening to the radio or watching tv. In a meeting. Thankfully never when I am driving. But I could almost fall asleep in a queue in a shop, tonight I was nodding at choir practice… but now at well after midnight, nothing,  no sleep.

Sleep is the soft rest that gently rocks your body into dreams,

Sleep is the midnight air coursing through your veins,

Sleep is looking at your partner as he slumbers,

Sleep hides ills and heals woes,

Sleep shapes wakefulness, giving rest to the weary.

I want sleep in my eyes, sleep in my mind.

I want to be drousy, dreaming of soft down pillows.

I need rest, from fears, from worries.

Give me sleep, now.

Dereliction

FB_IMG_1536275479349

What does the word dereliction make you think of? Is it your physical surroundings? The derelict state the world seems to be in, or even the people about you?

Living in a town where there seem to be more homeless people than ever makes me feel like the whole of the town is guilty of a dereliction of duty to them. Why would a civilised society allow that to happen? I talk to the people sitting there out in all weather. I sometimes give them some change or the number of the homelessness teams rough sleepers telephone number. My partner saw the people around me looking on I disgust yesterday When I gave money to a homeless man.

When you see someone who has sores on his legs and apparently a broken ankle you have to think how? Why? How have we come to this. He could not get into a doctor because he has no address! I wish I had taken him to the hospital …I dont know why I didn’t. I’m scared society is being allowed to break. Our former leader Margaret Thatcher once said “there is no such thing as society “.

Sadly  I’m beginning to think she was right…shame on us all for allowing such dereliction of humanity.

Yellow bowl

IMG_20180913_002534_835

This is a quick, half hour painting, of a yellow bowl I have. This is a little acrylic on canvas, from my memory. I’ve had this bowl for years. I just wanted to paint something simple after all the work I did on the previous painting. I may work on the shadows. I want to try and he the elipse of the bowl top right, but its after midnight now and I haven’t been very well so I think I will give myself a rest.

I’m glad I tried painting in these lovely primary colours. They pretty much are an accurate representation of the bowl.