Old age creeps up on you

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The pile of books on the bookcase in our bedroom is growing larger. Books to read before I go to sleep at night. Real books  not on an ereader.

Pratchett, Herriot, Cornwell, Stewart, all books I have read and need to move so I can read something new. I recently found my thesis on pre Christian celtic art. I wanted to take it downstairs but I forgot so it’s on the pile. Plus photos from years ago, on the top of the bookcase and on the wall. Real photos printed on paper. I have lots of albums of them on top of a wardrobe, which is like a closet but is made of wood with doors.

The elephant in the room is my cpap machine. It’s an air pump that pumps air through a face mask at slightly higher pressure than normal. I wear it at night to keep my airway open. It forces air through my mouth and nose so my airway doesn’t collapse and stop me from breathing. When you are asleep you don’t have control of your muscles and they can become slack and collapse at the back of your throat. Hence the machine.

OK so I’m not that old. It’s just this paraphenalia that makes me Feel old. But I guess I’m lucky. I was diagnosed  Now all I do is read a book till I’m sleepy to take my mind off the mask.

Awake again

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The clocks ticking. Its almost 4am. Went to sleep cold so put on the heating. Now I’ve woken up too hot so turned it back down.

But then I looked at my phone. Suddenly I’m wide awake. I never found the function that changes the colour of the screen light and cuts out the blue end of the spectrum. On the other hand I would not like it interfering with the colours I use when I draw on line.

Tempus fugit. I hope I can have a bit of a lie in. Otherwise if I get up at  8am I will only have had 5 or so hours of sleep. Maybe it’s an age thing but my body clock seems to be drifting later every day.

Well I will try and sleep again…. IF I CAN IGNORE HIS SNORING…… ..

Noises outside

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It’s dark outside and I heard clunking noises out there a few minutes ago. I got a torch and turned out the kitchen light so I could shine it through the window  Couldn’t see anything. Then I checked the front and back doors were locked. And tried to see through the side window at the front of the house. But staring out all I could see was the padlock on the gate.

Waiting as quietly as possible is difficult when the fridge suddenly starts up when you are trying to listen out for extraneous sounds.

Now I’m nodding off. It’s early in the morning and I can hardly keep my eyes open. I’ve not heard any more noises, except the cats chasing each other.

I can hear my heartbeat in my ear. I really need some sleep.. So I’m going to bed.

So this spooky tale has me going to sleep .. Not spooky at all really…..

 

What do you want?

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There was a tap at the window, quiet, maybe a branch had gently knocked against it in the strong, cold wind outside. She lay back on the bed, the sunlight, so strong earlier on was fading into a gloomy clouded evening. The room was cold so she pulled the thin sheet up over her head to keep what warmth she was generating from her breath in under the covers. As the darkness deepened she started to fall asleep.

Then suddenly the knock came again against the window. The noise was a sharp click, scratch. She woke with a shock. How could there be a noise ? She slowly took a look to see what it was. She was on the second floor, so how could anyone, anything be tapping ?

The hairs started to rise on the back of her neck. She felt scared and fascinated at the same time. She slipped out of bed pulling her dressing gown on and wrapping it tightly around her.

Stepping up to the window sill all she could make out in the darkness was some sort of feathery mass. Then two eyes gleamed in the dark. Sitting on the outer sill was a tiny owl. It must have flown up to the window as the sun set.

“what do you want”? She thought to herself. But the owl, seeing her movement, turned its head around and fluttered off into the darkness,.

 

I can’t sleep….

I can’t sleep, so I’m watching the cat dreaming.

I can’t sleep, so I watch its little paws.

I can’t sleep, even though the stars are gleaming,

I can’t sleep, despite long, deep, yawns…..

 

My hands are itching from an eczema flare up,

My hands are itching, the skin it seems to burn,

My hands are itching, and painfully I sit up.

My hands are itching, the clocks hands slowly turn…..

 

My mind is racing, swirling with tired thoughts,

My mind is racing, trying to find rest,

My mind is racing, while dreams are what I’ve sought,

My mind is racing, a deep sleep would be best.

 

The cat is waking, a gentle mewing breathing

The cat is waking, and wants to play a while,

The cat is waking, while I at last am sleeping,

The cat is waking, in dreams it ran so wild.

 

Well that’s the best I can do at 3.18am! I went to bed but got up again, I don’t know what started it but eczema that I have had on one finger of one hand for many years has flared up and spread. So much so that I went out and bought SLS free soap and shampoo yesterday. It stands for sodium laureleth sulphate and a friend reckons that it can cause eczema. However having used the magic soap it only seemed to alleviate the problem slightly.

I then compounded the problem because the shopkeeper tried to sell me some expensive moisturizing hand cream, I didn’t want a whole tube so they gave me a tiny sample in a little pot to bring home.  I duly put it on my hands before bedtime, now a few hours later my hands are very itchy. So no more posh hand cream, I think I will try and get something else. In the meantime I’ve put on a little hydrocortisone and I’m hoping it calms things down.

Sitting here at 3.26am wishing I could sleep like a cat….

X

G’night Cat

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G’night cat                                                                                               my coffee’s getting cold,

I’m ready for bed,

And I’m feeling rather old….

G’night cat                                                                                               I must do as I’m told

Get your beauty sleep,

Drift off upon a cloud……

G’night cat                                                                                               but your purrs are getting loud

Well 10 minutes more

Til my dreams of you unfold……