You know that look cats have. That long slow stare, then a shift to look away at something else. Perhaps a twitch of an ear. Paws tucked up underneath. Then a sudden decision, movement, a lick of the paw. Settle again. Warm body resting on my knee. Curled up now, but if I move an eye opens and he stares again. Measuring minutes and hours, quietly, steadily…. I always miss his blink, to me his eyes are eternally open, then closed, but open…..
The pile of books on the bookcase in our bedroom is growing larger. Books to read before I go to sleep at night. Real books not on an ereader.
Pratchett, Herriot, Cornwell, Stewart, all books I have read and need to move so I can read something new. I recently found my thesis on pre Christian celtic art. I wanted to take it downstairs but I forgot so it’s on the pile. Plus photos from years ago, on the top of the bookcase and on the wall. Real photos printed on paper. I have lots of albums of them on top of a wardrobe, which is like a closet but is made of wood with doors.
The elephant in the room is my cpap machine. It’s an air pump that pumps air through a face mask at slightly higher pressure than normal. I wear it at night to keep my airway open. It forces air through my mouth and nose so my airway doesn’t collapse and stop me from breathing. When you are asleep you don’t have control of your muscles and they can become slack and collapse at the back of your throat. Hence the machine.
OK so I’m not that old. It’s just this paraphenalia that makes me Feel old. But I guess I’m lucky. I was diagnosed Now all I do is read a book till I’m sleepy to take my mind off the mask.
It’s getting cold and I need to put the heating on, but my cat has decided to curl up on top of my feet. I’m sitting infront of a chair that I’m using as an easle and he is tucked under the chair on top of my feet and next to a box containing my paints. In the meantime my feet are warm as toasty, but my legs are cold . . But I don’t want to move him.
The clocks ticking. Its almost 4am. Went to sleep cold so put on the heating. Now I’ve woken up too hot so turned it back down.
But then I looked at my phone. Suddenly I’m wide awake. I never found the function that changes the colour of the screen light and cuts out the blue end of the spectrum. On the other hand I would not like it interfering with the colours I use when I draw on line.
Tempus fugit. I hope I can have a bit of a lie in. Otherwise if I get up at 8am I will only have had 5 or so hours of sleep. Maybe it’s an age thing but my body clock seems to be drifting later every day.
Well I will try and sleep again…. IF I CAN IGNORE HIS SNORING…… ..
What is sleep, this spider web of thought,
Old choices or soft places? Violence or love?
Never forget your dream until its over then it’s gone.
Reality is there . Belief in normality that is surreal.
Fire and ice, pain and grace.
How we dream of troubles,of happiness of joy of hate.
Integrating thoughts or losing the agony of pain.
Value sleep it is an escape into dreams.
Too many things to play with on this phone…
Green and purple,
Orange and red.
Put it down
And go to bed !
It’s dark outside and I heard clunking noises out there a few minutes ago. I got a torch and turned out the kitchen light so I could shine it through the window Couldn’t see anything. Then I checked the front and back doors were locked. And tried to see through the side window at the front of the house. But staring out all I could see was the padlock on the gate.
Waiting as quietly as possible is difficult when the fridge suddenly starts up when you are trying to listen out for extraneous sounds.
Now I’m nodding off. It’s early in the morning and I can hardly keep my eyes open. I’ve not heard any more noises, except the cats chasing each other.
I can hear my heartbeat in my ear. I really need some sleep.. So I’m going to bed.
So this spooky tale has me going to sleep .. Not spooky at all really…..