Whats the point?

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Someone speaks to you, says they can do all sorts of things to help you. It just needs to go through some sort of committee .

You wait to hear back, but after a while you hear you have been unsuccessful. It’s like having a job interview for a job you didn’t know was available, you hadn’t prepared for it, had no knowledge of what it entailed but once someone had dangled the carrot you felt suddenly recognised for having some small amount of worth.

So

What is the point?

Have they read this blog and decided its not commercial enough? That it does not come up to scratch? Should I just post photos of my art and keep my thoughts to myself?

What is the point?

Why bother?

What should I do?

What is the point? What is the point…..

Feeling down, but not quite out.

What day would I go back to?

All the days in our lives,

Stretch out at first, then shrink,

Behind us, gone.

No rewind button for life,

No voicemail recording our every word.

Gone, long ago,  barely remembered. ..

What day would I go back to?

To hear parents voices again, and tell them

How much I loved them?

Or the first day at school, tell myself not to be so shy?

Trying to make perfume from rose petals as a child

Or older, wiser, learning to drive.

Time travel is a one way street, into the future.

If I could go back I would be pleased to meet you again.

Maybe visit a few less railways,

And see the sea a few more times.

Go back to holidays in Devon.

If I could go back I would say,

Don’t take that awful job,

Stay safe and well.

Don’t waste your life for a pay packet,

Let’s live and love.

 

Storm

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The sky was clear earlier, just a few clouds skudding past as the sun set, the sky deepening in azure blue as the night arrived. But now, less than two hours later, the wind has picked up the leaves that had fallen early because of the drought. The storm is blowing around the house like an old steam engine, puffing and panting, whistling and roaring. I could imagine gouts of flame shooting out its boiler.

One minute all is quiet, then gusts blow down the chimney, the air in the room cools and stirs. The cats have come in to seek shelter, yet they are restless, torn between comfort and agitation. Nose to the glass looking out at the chaotic movement of the air…

The traffic noise is amplified by the wind. Unseen cars blur past in a loud buzz, like bees scattering from a hive seeking food at breakneck speed.

Still no rain in this gale, tiles rattle but not from raindrops, this storm is selfish and does not want to share its water. Jealous of allowing the land to drink. Will it rain? Perhaps, maybe wet the feet of the trees.

I think of the poor and destitute. Wrapped in an old duvet or plastic bag for shelter. How will they cope with no roof to protect them? This storm is the first of the season, big bulky winds rattling plastic sheeting, tearing it from cold bodies.  Why are they unhomed, unheeded, unheated, uncared for?

In a land due to celebrate the centenary of the end of the first world war, in a land that was fit for hero’s, we have gone back to the maelstrom of survival of the fittest and devil take the hind most.

My safety from the wild wind is their loss. I grieve for them.