Dereliction

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What does the word dereliction make you think of? Is it your physical surroundings? The derelict state the world seems to be in, or even the people about you?

Living in a town where there seem to be more homeless people than ever makes me feel like the whole of the town is guilty of a dereliction of duty to them. Why would a civilised society allow that to happen? I talk to the people sitting there out in all weather. I sometimes give them some change or the number of the homelessness teams rough sleepers telephone number. My partner saw the people around me looking on I disgust yesterday When I gave money to a homeless man.

When you see someone who has sores on his legs and apparently a broken ankle you have to think how? Why? How have we come to this. He could not get into a doctor because he has no address! I wish I had taken him to the hospital …I dont know why I didn’t. I’m scared society is being allowed to break. Our former leader Margaret Thatcher once said “there is no such thing as society “.

Sadly  I’m beginning to think she was right…shame on us all for allowing such dereliction of humanity.

Time Ticks

PicsArt_1536439451689It does! I started writing this over 12 hours ago but then the battery on my tablet went flat so I had to wait until now .

Anyway, time does tick by, sometimes I know exactly when the alarm is going to go off, and it does. I can wake up a second before the alarm clock goes off….nothing is clicking or whirring or spinning to give me a cue or a clue. Same with the alarm on our oven, last night I got up from my chair to check it just before it went off.

One explanation is the brain has tiny cells beating regularly giving us a sense of time. There are also electric nodes in your heart that regulate your heartbeat, and your breathing is a regular rhythm allowing you to get just the right amount of air.

But what is time, why do we feel times arrow? Why does a cup fall and then break as it hits the floor? Why isn’t it on the floor then bouncing back up onto the table, reforming from smashed to solid in a second? There is something called entropy, everything breaks down over time. Everything tends towards chaos. The Universe is cooling, as space expands. Astrophysicists speak of the heat death of the universe as everything spreads out and cools towards absolute zero. Galaxies are flying away from each other. If things continue, in many billions or trillions of years, we would have completely black skies, no stars in sight. Our Sun will have cooled to a husk of burnt matter and all the other Stars will fly off away for us. There is something called red shift, as galaxies move away their light shifts towards the red end of the spectrum, the larger the red shift the faster they are moving. There are theories about things called dark energy and dark matter that try to explain this, but I wouldn’t know where to start with that aspect of space time.

Time ticks for everything, although time may not actually exist, it might just be our way of measuring the passing of things happening, but not understanding the universe. But if it is real there may be an advantage of time. The end of the universe or more likely its continuous, infinite existence, will not happen in our time. But a long long long time in the future.

 

Looking out

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The eye peeps out, looking into the street, one clear square of glass, the rest opaque, hiding the room beyond.

A glimpse of an eye, now gone. The rusting bars of the window still hold firm grip of the blackened glass. No splits or cracks, just that small patch where once there was..a blue eye? Almost missed, only glanced at.

Do I knock on the door next to the window? Or ignore it and walk by. The dilemma is not knowing which to choose. Who (or what ) is in there? It could be a homeless person, a drunk, a security guard. I am alone, walking down an old alley way. No, I dare not chance knocking, I don’t know what the outcome might be. I might come back in daylight. I leave the window and eye behind, walking quickly….

But steps are following me……..

Love, locked shut

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You shackled my heart,

Love, locked shut,

You closed the gate and threw away the key.

Your love rusted away,

Stopping the blood,

Iron filings instead of red corpuscles…

Bitter cold rain blended with tears,

No love here,

No more love, no more light,

Fastened in and imprisoned,

The dove turned to stone.

Take flight through one tiny gap.

Find new love,

Unbarred.

 

summer flavours

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Summer and its flavours,

Crisp and crunchy flowers,

Take us through the hours,

of summer bright and light.

Hot and tasty bowers,

Nasturtium flowers are sour,

But sweet plums ripen here

In the shining Sun.

Before the ripe tomatoes,

Before the mellow mists,

Before the damp of Autumn,

Summer gives its gifts.

Sunshine and wild showers

Heat for many hours

Summer cooks its fruit,

Raspberries and pears.

Oranges and almonds

Appear on our tables

Strawberries of fable

Melt with mint and cream.

Plums and pomegranates

Begonias and daisies,

Lobelia and lemons,

Summer coloured sweet.

Now come the dark days,

Shorter every hour

Equinox is coming

Day will turn  to night.

Never lose the summer

Keep it in your mind.

Smell and taste its wonders

Soon to burst again.

I love the summer,

I love the light,

I hate the winter,

Brings on dark and night.

Too many books?

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How many books is too many? I was counting ours a few years ago and when I got to over 1000 I gave up. We had books in all the rooms except the bathroom but they have also had to be moved out of the kitchen now it’s been modernised. If I could sneak a few cookbooks in I would, but then the books on trains would follow…

What books do I like?

Biography, Science, Astronomy, Autobiography, Physics, Maths, Science Fiction, Science Fantasy, Fantasy, Train books, Novels, Thrillers, Art books. Books about Pottery and Ceramics. Books about photography.

Books I dislike. …I don’t know..

So what do you do when you have a partner who goes out and  buys books from charity shops every week! ..? You send him back with ones to donate.  I have wondered if I should take some to a local second hand book shop but I dont know if they would take them.

I read books at bedtime to help me sleep. Some of the physics ones can send me off in minutes. At the moment I’m reading the Earthsea Quartet by Ursula LeGuin and 1356 by Bernard Cornwell. I have a copy of The Handmaids Tale I bought in the 1980’s by Margaret Atwood, and also The Colour Purple by Alice Walker. One book Richard introduced me to was A Canticle for Leibovitz which is a post apocalyptic story.  It’s very strange.

So yes I love these books, I would never get a kindle or e-book reader. There is something about turning paper pages, without having to charge the battery up just when you are mid chapter, also if you drop a book when you fall asleep it doesn’t break the screen, and yes I have read books in the bath… they can get very soggy!

 

Bored?

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You know when you are bored when…You decide to take a photo of your empty glass…with your nose because you can’t hold the glass, your tablet and press the shutter on the screen at the same time.

Today consisted of sleeping in till late, cooking lunch, taking some rubbish down to the tip, going shopping, tidying up and reheating yesterdays left overs for our evening meal.

Some days are just boring.

The best thing about today?  Hearing an abridged version of Jaws on Radio 4. Two and a half hours long, some wonderful descriptions in a frightening story, it was read out by a narrator rather than having a cast of characters. Brilliant.

But you say why are you bored?  Why not do something?  Basically because I get tired, and I get down. I don’t think I’m depressed exactly, just looking for my mojo to come back. Sometimes life is like that, especially when you start getting a bit older. The safety of the house is like a warm nest. A warm blanket , easier to snuggle down and ignore the world. …

And the world is wonky at the moment, the politics is bonkers, right wing politicians seem to be ascendant, poverty is increasing. Even the age that people die, which had been increasing in this country has suddenly seen a down turn. And don’t ask me about Brexit (if you have even heard if it) its not something I agree with and 52 percent of the population here voted for it…..climate change is happening, animals are becoming extinct……is it any wonder that as the ×÷=t hits the fan I just need a duvet day sometimes?

I remember as a child going on a march with my mother, I was only 5 or 6 so I can’t remember why, or what it was about. I remember seeing and hearing racism when I was a child and questioning it… now I hide away, turn my face away, look at stupid kitten videos instead! What changes us, what forces impinge on us to stop us caring as much as we did?

I want to be more caring about homelessness, unemployment, benefit cuts, modern day slavery, credit crunches, cuts to education and the NHS. Austerity, privatisation, plastic pollution, nuclear accidents, inflation, food banks, cuts in Police, increases in zero hours contracts.

It’s all too much. They call I compassion fatigue, I call it compassion exhaustion….

We need, all of us, to be more caring, for everyone else, not just ourselves. I’ve tried to help people in my job for years, it all got a bit too much.

So yes, maybe it’s not actual boredom, but an inability to focus because there is too much going on to deal with. Withdrawal from the outside world seems preferable at the moment.

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